Counselling in London Bridge SE1 and online
My name is Cynthia Rao and I have been in private practice for about 11 years now. I trained at the Psychosynthesis Trust in Tooley Street SE1. I also work with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) since around 2000. I use Psychosynthesis and EFT in my practice because they work so well together. I love that EFT gives the people I work with a tool to use out of our sessions when they feel overwhelmed.
Over the years I have worked in Bank EC3, London Bridge SE1 and Covent Garden WC2. Every client I have worked with has been an amazing experience whether they were able to stay for short- or long-term work. They found within themselves something that was not prepared to only live half a life. I have marvelled at times at how people have managed to survive. Surviving emotional or physical abandonment, rejection, trauma, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.
I have worked with people from all sections of society. I have also worked with many people who come from families that suffered the misery of alcoholism. Also, drug addiction, OCD, or other compulsive behaviours. People who grow up in this environment have been profoundly affected and have many issues that stop them from being the person they would like to be.
Addiction robs addicts and (the people around them) of their potential and talents. It leaves them with low confidence and self-esteem. I have come to learn that when we bury so much of ourselves that is painful, we also bury so much of our potential, talent, and joy in being alive.
This waste of potential feels such a tragedy to me. It is what has spurred me on this journey of personal self-development since the late 80s. At that time, I was trying to find a way to support myself in a healthier way. When I started to look around for help, I found Women who love too much by Robin Norwood. A book that is a bit dated now but still packs a punch in people who are codependent.
Today there are so many therapists, counsellors, workshops, and books. 'Woman who love too much' shed a lot of light on my own emotional development. It was only the beginning of books, workshops, and therapy of all colours and flavours.
enmeshment in relationships romantic and friendship
profound fear of separation
it is very low self-esteem and confidence
it is being controlling and controlled
it is being in very deep denial
it is people-pleasing in the hope you will be accepted
it is oblivious of boundaries our own and others
it is having overwhelming needs you look to others to fill
it is feeling responsible for others
it is shame-based
it is being a victim and switching to the perpetrator and back to the victim
it is being involved in a relationship that you feel you cannot leave
….. and the pain of being so out of control while trying to control everything is very painful ….
I have worked with many people who came from backgrounds of alcohol or drug addiction. I also see the same issues with people who come from materially well-off families. The connection is starved of attention, affection, security, and love.
I have been on this journey for a long time. What I know is that life is a process. Many clients think and hope that once counselling is over that they will be okay. I only wish that were true. What is true is that in our work you will find:
a way to get to know yourself,
reclaiming parts of yourself that you are not aware of
parts you had to split from because of trauma
how much our beliefs about ourselves and the world come from parents and family
how you have evolved and survived through your life experiences
the connection between mind and body and spirit
compassion for yourself
understanding the family, you came from
working to be at peace with yourself
..... and I could go on
Therapy is not easy work or quick work. It has to be thoughtful and kind. We are working with parts of ourselves that have been battered and abused. Parts that have seen little love, kindness, or empathy. An important part of the work is to change thinking and behaviour from critical and judging to understanding.
"The attempt to escape from pain is what
creates more pain."
Gabor Mat
“Psychosynthesis is interested in the whole building. We try to build an elevator which will allow a person access to every level of his personality. After all, a building with only a basement is very limited. We want to open up the terrace where you can sun-bathe or look at the stars. Our concern is the synthesis of all areas of the personality. That means psychosynthesis is holistic, global and inclusive. It is not against psychoanalysis or even behavior modification but it insists that the needs for meaning, for higher values, for a spiritual life, are as real as biological or social needs. We deny that there are any isolated human problems.” ― Roberto Assagioli
Psychosynthesis worked for me because it encased everything mind, body, and spirit. I worked with many counsellors and therapists in the 90s. At the time I had not understood the differences between the different schools of thought. I just wanted someone who could help me feel better and figure stuff out!
Other therapies that I tried:
I sat with a male therapist who at the time I did not understand was psychoanalytical. He did not speak or look at me! I felt trauma.
Another woman (Lacanian) sat on the other side of the room - it was a large room. I felt abandoned.
I also worked with a lovely woman who would look at me in a very understanding way. Unfortunately, I needed more guidance and education than person-centered. I felt lost.
All these things that came up with these therapists were not a bad thing. The problem was I did not know how to process the feelings.
Psychosynthesis gave me a framework within which I could finally figure myself out. I am still working on myself and through Psychosynthesis, I have ways in which to do that. I understand that there are all kinds of different parts to me. Sub-personalities. Who knew!?! I began to understand the purpose of the survival personality that helped me to get through life.
As a child, it may not have been safe to show your vulnerability, your fear, or how talented or clever you were. Were you shamed or ridiculed for being different? Academic or artistic in a family that was neither?
Your parents or caretakers had issues around unprocessed trauma. This would have had severe repercussions on the children. Were depression and fear prevalent in the environment you grew up in?
It may have been essential to protect yourself by:
shut down emotionally
not getting close to anyone
not talking about feelings with anyone
having people around you where no one talks about feelings
driven to succeed
perfectionism
It could be all these things and much more.
Sometimes clients will say - I want to be rid of this part, it’s too painful. But in understanding the different parts of ourselves we start to see something. That they are in an albeit distorted way protecting us.
By working with these parts, we start to see things differently and our behaviour starts to change. We can start to take things less personally as we see that everyone is struggling.
I have worked successfully in the past with people who had issues of overeating, OCD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks. They also realised the internal conflict that was raging and being enacted outside of themselves with their partners, co-workers and friends.
In my work with clients, my goal is to help and guide them to have an understanding of where these issues began and to resolve them. Once we begin the process of understanding and resolving certain painful and negative behaviours relationships with ourselves and others will improve.
It does take some courage and commitment to sit still with ourselves especially when it is painful. But it is possible to work through heavy emotional states and come out the other side.
Welldoing.org is the UK’s leading therapist matching service for in-person and online therapy. They have been successfully matching people with verified therapists and counsellors since 2014. With over 1,000 therapist members, I was delighted to have the opportunity to be one of their featured counsellors recently.
Through the mechanism of carried shame
and carried feelings,
the unresolved pain of previous generations
operates in families like an emotional debt.
We either face it or we leverage our children with it.”Terrence Real, I Don’t Want to Talk About It:
Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.
To discuss, in confidence, counselling via telephone or internet,
Call 0794 707 1908, and leave a message. I will get back to you as soon as I can. I offer a 15/20 minute phone call where we can discuss what brings you to counselling and some of the issues that concern you.
We can also use EFT/Matrix Reimprinting EFT / Tapping in our sessions a highly effective tool that helps to alleviate depression, anxiety, and stress, and other uncomfortable feelings that may arise such as fear.
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