Counselling London Bridge and Covent Garden or Zoom

"The attempt to escape from pain

is what creates more pain."

Gabor Maté

What are the issues that Counselling and Therapy can help people with?

The list is long and varied and over the years I have worked with clients who have issues of:

• Feelings of abandonment and rejection as a child.
• Anger, Anxiety, Fear, and Loneliness.
• Lost in Codependent relationships also reacting aggressively to triggers.
• Fear of Rejection, Loss, OCD, Lack of Confidence, and Low Self-esteem.
• Issues with Social media, checking the phone, feelings of anxiety, and not feeling good enough.
• Self-harm, Trauma, Phobias, and Sexual abuse.
• Finding it difficult to cope at work and home due to stress.

Adults who come from traumatised families

I have worked with many people who come from families that suffered the misery of alcoholism. Also, drug addiction, OCD, or other compulsive behaviours. People who grow up in this environment have been profoundly affected and have many issues that stop them from being the person they would like to be.

Adult children of alcoholics, drug addicts or parents who had some form of addiction or compulsive behaviour suffer from codependent behaviour.

What is Codependency?

enmeshment in relationships romantic and friendship

profound fear of separation 

it is very low self-esteem and confidence

it is being controlled and controlled

it is being in very deep denial

it is people-pleasing in the hope you will be accepted

it is oblivious of boundaries our own and others 

it is having overwhelming needs you look to others to fill

it is feeling responsible for others

it is shame-based

it is being a victim and switching to the perpetrator and back to the victim

it is being involved in a relationship that you feel you cannot leave

 …..  and the pain of being so out of control while trying to control everything is very painful ….

I have worked with many people who came from backgrounds of alcohol or drug addiction. I also see the same issues with people who come from materially well-off families. The connection is starved of attention, affection, security, and love.

Addiction and compulsive behaviour

Addiction robs addicts and (the people around them) of their potential and talents. It leaves them with low confidence and self-esteem. I have come to learn that when we bury so much of ourselves that is painful, we also bury so much of our potential, talent, and joy in being alive.

This waste of potential feels like such a tragedy to me. It is what has spurred me on this journey of personal self-development since the late 80s. At that time, I was trying to find a way to support myself in a healthier way. When I started to look around for help, I found Women who love too much by Robin Norwood. A book that is a bit dated now but still packs a punch in people who are codependent.

Today there are so many therapists, counsellors, workshops, and books in which you can inform yourself if you wish.

How Can I Help You?

I have been on this journey for a long time. What I know is that life is a process.  Many clients think and hope that once counselling is over that they will be okay. I only wish that were true. What is true is that in our work you will find:

a way to get to know yourself,

reclaiming parts of yourself that you are not aware of

parts you had to split from because of trauma

how much our beliefs about ourselves and the world come from parents and family

how you have evolved and survived through your life experiences

the connection between mind and body and spirit

compassion for yourself

understanding the family, you came from

working to be at peace with yourself

..... and I could go on

Counselling/Therapy

Therapy is not easy work or quick work. It has to be thoughtful and kind. We are working with parts of ourselves that have been battered and abused. Parts that have seen little love, kindness, or empathy. An important part of the work is to change thinking and behaviour from critical and judging to understanding.

Psychosynthesis Counselling

The father of Psychosynthesis

Roberto Assagioli, said

“Psychosynthesis is interested in the whole building. We try to build an elevator which will allow a person access to every level of his personality. After all, a building with only a basement is very limited. We want to open up the terrace where you can sun-bathe or look at the stars. Our concern is the synthesis of all areas of the personality. That means psychosynthesis is holistic, global and inclusive. It is not against psychoanalysis or even behavior modification but it insists that the needs for meaning, for higher values, for a spiritual life, are as real as biological or social needs. We deny that there are any isolated human problems.” ― Roberto Assagioli

What is survival personality?

As a child, it may not have been safe to show your vulnerability, your fear, or how talented or clever you were. Were you shamed or ridiculed for being different? Academic or artistic in a family that was neither?

Your parents or caretakers had issues around unprocessed trauma. This would have had severe repercussions on the children. Was depression and fear prevalent in the environment you grew up in?

It may have been essential to protect yourself by:

shutting down emotionally

not getting close to anyone

not talking about feelings with anyone

having people around you where no one talks about feelings

driven to succeed

perfectionism

It could be all these things and much more.

Sometimes people I work with will say - I want to be rid of this part, it’s too painful. But in understanding the different parts of ourselves we start to see something. That they are in an albeit distorted way protecting us.

By working with these parts, we start to see things differently and our behaviour starts to change. We can start to take things less personally as we see that everyone is struggling.

Some issues I work with.

I have worked successfully in the past with people who had issues of overeating, OCD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks. They also realised the internal conflict that was raging and being enacted outside of themselves with their partners, co-workers and friends.

In my work with clients, my goal is to help and guide them to have an understanding of where these issues began and to resolve them. Once we begin the process of understanding and resolving certain painful and negative behaviours relationships with ourselves and others will improve.

It does take some courage and commitment to sit still with ourselves especially when it is painful.  But it is possible to work through heavy emotional states and come out the other side.

Mindfulness counselling online

Click to read my interview with Welldoing.org

In the welldoing.org interview, I respond to questions like:

• What attracted you to become a therapist?

• Where did you train?

• Can you tell us about the type of therapy you practice?

• How does psychosynthesis and EFT help with symptoms of co-dependency?

• What sort of people do you usually see?

• What do you like about being a therapist?

• What is less pleasant?

• Do you ever suggest books or apps to clients?

How Psychotherapy can help you to work through feelings of shame

Through the mechanism of carried shame
and carried feelings,
the unresolved pain of previous generations
operates in families like an emotional debt.
We either face it or we leverage our children with it.”

Terrence Real, I Don’t Want to Talk About It:
Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.

 

To discuss, in confidence, counselling via telephone or internet,

Call 0794 707 1908, and leave a message.  I will get back to you as soon as I can.  I offer a 15/20 minute phone call where we can discuss what brings you to counselling and some of the issues that concern you.

We can also use EFT/Matrix Reimprinting EFT / Tapping in our sessions a highly effective tool that helps to alleviate depression, anxiety, and stress, and other uncomfortable feelings that may arise such as fear.

What is online counselling?